Chapter 1: Auntie from Osaka, Reborn as Beautiful Swordswoman

When I realized, I was already writing! Incidentally, the writer is also from Kansai (Kobe 18 years, Kyoto 6 years).


“Ah~ the truck’s sudden appearance is really dangerous~ What if I’m hurt— eh, this place, where is it?” Haruna realized that she fell on a grass thicket by herself. It was clearly not Tennouji in Osaka that she was located before.

“What is this…? My clothes are the same, but my voice, isn’t it too high?” Moreover, her hands had become delicate and pretty. The blemish on her skin disappeared. So did the wrinkles.

Somehow, the strangest thing had happened. Haruna thought instinctively. Since there was a puddle of water nearby, she tried peeking on its surface.

It showed the face of a young woman.

“Ah! Have I returned to my high school years?! No, it’s even cuter than how I used to be! Such a beautiful girl!”

That being said–
She had a feeling that someone called herself a goddess just then. Haruna finally recalled the scene.

“Haruna Murata, you’re an auntie from Osaka, right?”
“That’s correct.”
“From what I’ve gathered, it seems that auntie from Osaka is the strongest human on earth.”

The strongest human would be a martial artist, isn’t it~?‘, Haruna obviously came into that kind of thought.
“True, being 45 years born and grow up in Osaka, I have no objection about being an auntie from Osaka. However, isn’t it falling short of being the strongest?”

“That’s not true! Based on Goddess’ detailed investigation, the result clearly shows that your type is the strongest!” the goddess’ voice went higher as she emphasized the point.
“As the strongest being, I’m thinking that I should let you reborn as a woman knight, the strongest in different world (isekai).”

“The strongest in Shinsekai?” Haruna misheard.

There’s an area called Shinsekai in Osaka’s Tsutenkaku.

“There’s an uncle who opens a splendid kushikatsu shop there. I definitely can’t win against him. To be strongest in Shinsekai would definitely be hard.”

“I almost never let a middle-aged woman to be reborn, even though I don’t know why either,” the goddess said.

“Well, it’s alright, though. In Shinsekai, right? If I do that, I can still go back home by train. It’s alright, please bring me there right away,” Haruna said.

“…Oh, my. I think there’s a misunderstanding (gokai) here…”

“I don’t mind fifth floor (gokai) or sixth floor, I can still go back home by subway train. It’s better than standing still right here. I’ve bought 661’s pork buns, it’ll get cold if I’m not home soon.”

There’s a famous shop in Osaka called 661 where you can by pork buns (meat buns) and ice candies.

“A-anyway! I need you to do a mission of spreading okonomiyaki in different world!”

“Okonomiyaki?”

“The food situation in this world isn’t really good… Since there are carbohydrate, vegetables, and meat in okonomiyaki, the situation will definitely improve. It will spread! Just in case, I’m also turning you into a really beautiful girl!”

–And thus, Haruna was reborn in different world. It wasn’t Shinsekai either, obviously.

“It’s good to become young again, but where is this place, exactly? It’s obviously not Shinsekai. Ah~ But I can see a tower just like the one in Tsutenkaku.”

That is the castle that belongs to the area’s Boss.

“Oh, my purse should be in the bag. Eh? It’s not here! But there’s a candy. So she has the time to go shopping in the Treasure Supermarket.”

Treasure Supermarket (suupaa tamate) is a bargain supermarket in Osaka.

“Somehow, there’s no direction sign at all. If only Yodo river is visible, I can figure out where this is.”

Suddenly, Haruna felt a sense of discomfort. There were many figures surrounding her. That was a group of orcs, numbering more than 10.

A lone person lying on grass thicket would clearly be an easy prey. Moreover, a delicate girl without any weapon on sight. There was no way the orcs would miss this.

More or less, the auntie from Osaka was cute in her youth. But as the years piled up one upon another, she also became more and more like an auntie. Theoretically speaking, one might say that it was caused by “auntie hormones”. If she didn’t become a strong auntie, there was no way she could survive in Osaka.

“Eh? Could it be flirts (nanpa)? Don’t they gather around Dotonbori? It must be because I’ve become pretty, isn’t it?”

It had been 25 years since someone flirted with her, Haruna became rather tense. Those past flirt incidents became something she could boast about, even though she rejected them. ‘Someone flirted with me’, that kind of thing.

“But all of these people are Mr. Pigs. Ah, could it be they’re angry that I bought pork buns from 661 shop?”

“Oink-!” Unsheathing their blades, the orcs did a tsukkomi. They must have wanted to voice their light threats.

Since those were similar to cutlery, even someone like Haruna grasped what was going on.

Ttai!”

Countering the blades, Haruna beat the orc with her right hand.
–WHAM!!
The hit orc flew to the distance.

“What are you doing?! It’s dangerous to wave around your sharp tools! Ttai!”

Ttai–this was the cry that an auntie from Osaka let out when she scolded children. In the other area, it might be equivalent to “Meh!”

“You could play more safely like this.” With her hands, Haruna made a gun shape which she pointed to the orcs. “Pew pew!”

In Osaka, there’s a rule to pretend to die or be in pain in a setting where a gun is “shot” at you.

The orcs couldn’t understand. Or rather, there was no such thing as guns in this world.

“Oh, you, Mr. Pigs! What a bad feeling! You couldn’t do it!”

–BASH!
–WHAM!
Haruna’s tsukkomi chops countered twice and two orcs were also sent flying. It’s not a stretch to call it one-hit KO.

“You all need proper scolding! Expose your butts! Children who’re like gonta need spanking!”

Gonta has a meaning of a thug, useless fellow.

Haruna repeatedly spanked the orc’s butts.

–BASH!
–WHAM!
Even after forcing absurdly huge amount of strength, the orc still couldn’t move.

Frightened, the other orcs notices that overwhelming Attack power. This is the type they must not make enemies with. The Attack power is bizarre. This woman adventurer is clearly a cheat.

“Oi-oi-oiiiink–!”
In that spot, the orcs were all bowing their heads down. There was no other option but surrender.

“Is that an apology? Should I allow you forgiveness~?”

The orcs put out quite a lot of gems as a gesture to save their lives.

“Oh, for me? Then I’ll gratefully accept them. These gemstones are as precious as the pearls I bought on my vacation by Kintetsu route to Ise, aren’t they~?”

You can go by limited express from Osaka to Ise through Kintetsu route; it’s quite a pleasant experience to go from Kansai to Ise.

Putting a piece in her ring, Haruna took out her hand. “How is it? Like Kobe?”

In Osaka, “like Kobe” means “you have a good fashion sense”.
Obviously, it can’t be conveyed to the orcs at all.

“What, really, Mr. Pig. What a bad feeling. I might put you all as okonomiyaki toppings.”

“Oi-oink…” Hearing a somewhat (really) scary line, the orcs felt frightened.

“Ah~ I feel hungry now. Is there any food shop around here?” She had been looking, but there was only grassland around her.

“This place is extremely rural. Somehow it’s like Nara.”

In Osaka, there are strangely a lot of cases where Nara is being looked down. However, there are indeed cases such as Kintetsu route where the trains are passing through the countryside as they enter Nara; this way of thinking is probably caused by such experience.

“Hey, Mr. Pig, do you happen to know a town?”

The orc’s finger pointed towards the nearest town.

“Thank you. Bye now, I’ll be going that way~” Haruna leisurely went towards the town’s direction.
“Well, once arriving at the town, let’s travel by train.”


Author’s Notes:
Next chapter, auntie from Osaka, going to the guild!
There’s probably around 5 chapters before the okonomiyaki part starts, please be patient until then!

Translator’s Notes:
It starts with Author’s Notes, and there are in-line explanation which are also tsukkomi as well, I think. (lol) I find them amusing. And informative. I can’t translate the kanji puns, though, so when it appears I’ll show the Romaji where you can try to see where it was supposed to be funny. (ack)

Haruna (the auntie from Osaka) is talking in light Kansai-dialect. I’m not good at translating accent due to my limited English, I hope you don’t mind that there’s no difference than standard English.

Feedback and appreciation are always welcome~

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